My little Bit of Honey

If you are like me and are overweight and trying to lose weight (no this is not the start to a cheesy infomercial, I promise) you torture yourself. Every day you scold yourself for letting it get to this point. You question yourself and berate yourself for not losing weight before, or for giving up on previous endeavors. Stop it.  This is not beneficial and does not help! This is what hinders progress, what brings you back to the point where you want to give up. As hard as it is, you need to look at the positives of who you are. It also helps to look towards the future. For me, when I started this whole thing my confidence was in the toilet.  Regardless of what anyone said to me about how I looked, I didn't believe them. When I say I couldn't look in the mirror without want to cry, it's the truth. I still have those moments, but I am looking to what I am doing now and starting to believe in myself. This is something I don't know that I have ever fully done.  When t...

Thank you to everyone who has been reading this and telling me about it. You are all wonderful and doing more for me than you know. It is such a amazing feeling knowing that I have supporters. The past few days I have had a lot of people telling me that I inspire them or I motivate them. I never ever ever thought that I would be someone anyone would say that to. I honestly feel like this is a day to day process and I am just doing what need to be done to stay on track. I can't thank you all enough for the wonderful things that you have said to me.  :) I have been having a very stressful day, usually when I have these days I am the first person to reach for a bag of chips or a nice big order of greasy fries.  Not today, today I opted for my usual hummus and cheese sandwich on wheat thins and a small salad that included some garbanzo beans, mushrooms, spinach, olives and quinoa. I did rebel a bit and get the lite ranch dressing, but I just couldn't cut the whole thing out...

I started to think about what I should write about today and I was feeling very uninspired. I haven't been working out the past 2 weeks as much as I should be and I am just not feeling motivated. This brought me to the realization of what I need to do: Change. I've said it before and I will say it again, running sucks. I feel great after I do it, but before and during it is pure torture. I get bored, my mind never goes into the "zone" that other runners say they get into. The only time I get excited about running is during races. However, to get to be in the race I have to run and I have to train, otherwise I will just go back to where I was before (walking the entire race). So, how do I keep myself motivated to run or to exercise at all? I try different things!  I ordered Jillian Michaels 30 day shred today and I am looking forward to trying it, I've heard nothing but good reviews. I love those workout videos, I really do. The ones ondemand really get me motiva...

Weekends are always the hardest times to stay on track. Especially weekends like this past one.  I went out on Friday night with a friend and I definitely did not think ahead with my dinner or drinks. Saturday was my Dad's birthday party so I ended up having pizza and beer among other things. Ah. Why is it that I have such a hard time on the weekends? I know the majority of it is routine. During the week I have my routine: Go to work have coffee and breakfast (log into MFP), Have a mid morning snack at 11 (log into MFP), have lunch at 1 (log into MFP) have a snack at 4 (log into MFP) and then go home and have dinner. The routine keeps me going and helps me to stay on track. On the weekends I sleep later and don't watch what I eat nearly as carefully. Plus, I have tried to cut any type of alcohol down to only on weekend nights, which usually works out that I don't end up drinking at all but on special occasions I end up going a little crazy.  I'm going to have to try...

We all have them, those really annoying almost impossible to ignore cravings for things that are on the naughty list. My two main cravings are chocolate and cheese (not together cause..ew). How do you get past these cravings without giving in? You don't. When I have a craving I have started to do a few things to make sure I really want to have those extra calories. 1.) I will drink a whole bottle of water, which usually will fill me up. This takes my mind off the craving and usually I don't really want anything after that. 2.) I eat a jolly rancher (these have about 23 calories but will distract me long enough to keep my craving at bay) 3.) I will get up and take a walk around or do something to keep my mind busy. If after all these things I still NEED to have cheese or a piece of chocolate I will indulge. However, since I distracted myself a bit I find myself eating a lot less and I will only have a snack size piece of candy or a string cheese. I also look at everything in cal...

Last night I had a lovely dinner with a friend, I went to her house and she made me a delicious and healthy meal. It was quinoa and edamame salad with various other things in there including chicken. It was healthy and way below my calorie limit. So when I left, I still had about 40 calories and I was done eating for the day. The entire ride home I was having an internal debate, do I really want to run? I don't need to I guess...but I should.  This went on for the entire 40 minute drive (lots and lots of traffic and random road blocks). Well I got home and I said to my hubby "I don't think I'm going to run tonight" he asked me why and I said "It's late, I'm tired" " He looked at me and said "so?" I then got annoyed and snapped at him telling him he should run. He then tells me "you say on your blog you always have excuses" so I huff into the bathroom, change into my running clothes and get on the treadmill. I ran faster...

Well I finally ran last night! Hooray! I got home from work late and then had dinner, once I finished dinner I said to myself.. you are tired, sore and full..why are you even THINKING of running? I started to think about my excuses every night, which are the same. I pushed myself (literally) to get onto that treadmill, you know what? I did GREAT.  I actually ran the entire first mile in 11 minutes and after that I brought the speed down a bit and "speed walked" for the next half mile and walked for the last half mile. I did 30 minutes and 2.1 miles. I was so damn proud that I did it.  I'm sore today, but that's ok! It means I did work! I know every day will be a struggle to balance everything, but I deserve it. I do not want to gain any weight back and I am so hoping to lose that 1 pound thi sweek so that I can officially say I've lost ten pounds. I haven't noticed a change in myself on the outside, people tell me all the time lately that I look like I...

I am a funny, smart, sweet, interesting person. However, I often get down on myself and feel like I am no good because of how I look. Don't get me wrong, I don't think I am hideous or all that unfortunate looking, I just think that because of my weight I end looking at myself in a very negative light. Why is it that someone like Gisele Bundchen is considered beautiful? I don't consider her all that pretty myself, but a lot of people think that she is just gorgeous. I think she looks like skin and bones. When did bones poking out (ribs, elbows etc.) be what young girls aspire to be? The famous people of the world can make you question yourself (I'm not thin enough? Pretty enough? Good enough?) why is that these are the people we want to be like? In my opinion, instead of aspiring to be like Cameron Diaz, Jessica Biel or Kristen Stewart, we really should try to be like Mother Teresa who gave her entire life to helping others.  What a thought. To look up to someone for...

On my way to work this morning I was trying to decide what topics I would write about today (I usually have my entire post written before I even get to a computer), I decided that I would write about changing bodies and "growing into" nutrition.  When I was growing up, I never thought of myself as thin. In high school, I always felt I could stand to lose 10-20 pounds. Even though I thought that I still ate Wendy's every day and full pizzas from Town Spa.  I didn't actually take myself seriously though until this year when my weight gain started to increase drastically. I grew up in a time where you drank whole milk, kids drank soda constantly and you could eat as much as you wanted.  Well at least that's what it was like for me, I loved whole milk and could never understand why people would want to drink that watered down stuff. Ick. It wasn't until I moved out on my own that I started drinking skim and now 2%.  Granted, the only milk I drink is the very l...

I failed yesterday, I did not run one bit.  I got home and just wanted to lay down and watch tv, that was it. After sucha  long day of staring at one screen all I wanted to do was stare at another. Kind of odd isn't it? Although when I am watching TV it allows me to not think, well running does that for me to. I need to start remembering that when I am running I am exhausting myself and will sleep better. When I watch TV, yes I zone out but then I think and dream weird things. Like last night, I had a dream I was a member of SOA but was undercover in the Niners gang. OK. That came from watching Sons before bed. Note to self: Unless you want to have scary gang dreams, don't watch Sons right before bed. Same with American Horror Story, which should NOT be watched unless it is during the day with all of the lights on. Just the sound of the music is enough to make me throw all the lights on and double check under my bed to be sure the man in the gimp suit is not there (trust me,...

I didn't write yesterday  because I just couldn't think of any words to describe what I was feeling. 11 years is a long time, but it still feels like it was yesterday. God bless those who lost or gave their lives.  Anyway! Today I'm going to talk about challenges. I am kind of stuck right now, I can feel myself at that point where I usually will go back to my old ways.  I am working more hours and for some reason craving the "bad" things again.  This is what starts the slope, but I'm going to beat it this time.  I'm not giving up on my MFP either, I'm forcing myself to count my calories, every day. The other challenge I am having is TIME, I don't have enough of it! The days that I work late, I just don't feel like working out when I get home. So I'm working on a schedule to keep myself in check, I did so well on my 5k that I want to do better. I have to continue to run in order to do that. So, I'm going to do the best I can to try a...

Yesterday was the big day, I did the 9/11 Heroes 5k.  I woke up Sunday and I felt so sore, my right leg which had been bothering me recently was really hurting me. My first thought was "Oh no. I'm not going to be able to do the race" but I got up and walked around a bit, stretched it out and felt a lot better after about 20 minutes. We arrived at the race and I was stunned at how few people were there. I figured that something that had been advertised on TV and was for the Heroes of 9/11 would have thousands of people at it. Nope, it was a pretty small race.  I got my swag bag, which had a t-shirt, dog tag, water bottle and other various coupons. The t-shirts are awesome, they are really soft cotton so they are good for running. Anyway, I left my hubby to entertain himself and got in line to start the race. After several minutes of waiting the gun went off, I paced myself and went very slowly at first. That damn leg was still bothering me, so I walked for about half a...

First I want to say a big THANK YOU to everyone who read my blog yesterday! I was very nervous going "public" with this and it really made me feel so good. Thank you to everyone for your kind words and messages of encouragement, it means more than you will ever know. I know that I now cannot give up, I have to many people behind me stopping me from going back. It also showed me that I am not alone in this and that really helps. Now, onto my post! I was thinking this morning on the way to work how music is such a big part of why I work out.  If I do not have good work out music on, I won't work as hard and I won't work out for as long. I have my "running" playlist on my iPhone and that is my favorite. It has all this upbeat fast paced music.  I really thought about it last night, when I am feeling unmotivated the music is what gets me ready to go.   My favorite music to work out to is usually rap (Rick Ross, DJ Khaled, Lil Wayne, Kanye) OR I also like the 8...

Last night while on the treadmill I had a realization as to why I have never been able to stick to losing weight or "dieting". I realized that I was always doing it for someone else, my mother, my husband, my friends.. but not myself. I have never done it so that I can feel good. This has been why I have failed every single other time I have tried it, it's a cycle. I feel embarrassed about the way I look because I'm afraid of what other people will think of me, so I say "I'M GOING TO START A DIET! AND I'M GOING TO LOSE 50 POUNDS AND BE 100 POUNDS!" (sorry for the shouty caps so early in the morning it's for emphasis)I then go crazy with the first week of the diet, maybe even the first month. I work out like crazy. I restrict myself to certain foods because they are not "in the diet"  so after the first month, I start to get depressed that it's not happening faster and that I haven't lost all 50 pounds. I then start slowly eatin...

What a crap day. I had a pretty rough night of sleep last night, it was just so humid out. I can never sleep if I'm hot. I have to be nice and cool, which is partially why I am not a big fan of the summer if I don't have AC. I went home last night and I worked out my very sore muscles.  I did feel a little bit better than I had during the day, but today I woke up and I am still super sore. Not as bad though. Tonight I am going to do the full body workout I did on Monday and do a run on the treadmill (Going to try for 5 miles again!). I think that if I get myself into a real routine it will help me alot, Mon,Wed, Fri; Sun Do the really tough work outs and then Tues, Thurs and Sat don't go as hard but definitely do some type of work outs. I'm giving myself a sort of rest between. I just know my problem is keeping up with it, when I stop for a day..it turns into two or three. I've also been trying to be really good about what I eat. It's tough when I'm not ...

What a nice long weekend I had, I enjoyed time with my family and my in laws. Lovely. I didn't do a lot of exercise over the weekend, unfortunately. I tried to eat well for the most part granted Saturday I think I failed that by going to a Tarot card party and eating tons of snacks, otherwise I was good though! Yesterday I was bored, so I decided that I was going to go for a run. Well my iphone hadn't been charged all weekend and was on 20% battery life, so I decided to charge it. While charging it I did a "supreme body workout" ondemand. Wow. I am SORE today, after I did that my phone finished charging and I went for a 5 mile run/walk! Wow! It felt good to get out there! Today I'm planning on doing a toned down version of what I did yesterday and then Wednesday I will do a full force workout again.  I'm feeling good and hoping that I can keep myself on track. I have a goal of losing 10lbs by November and I believe I can get there. I also realised this wee...