The other side of it all, the darker side.
I've written this post before, but I don't think I've ever actually posted it. Something always stops me in my tracks, something always keeps me from publishing it or making it public. Maybe this time I'll have the courage to actually post it.
There's another side to weight loss, something other than the physical aspect of it, it's the mental side of it. The emotional side, this is so much harder than the physical side of it. It all ties into itself, it all comes full circle. Your mind tells you that you can't do it and some times (most times) you believe it, it's what makes you give up and what makes you stop. If you are like me, it's what drives you to eat more and more. Then it keeps you up at night, thinking about the mistakes you made.. you chide yourself for being weak and for giving up, vowing all of these things to make the next day be better.. and for some reason it isn't. For some reason, we keep making the same mistakes and keep repeating the same things over and over again. The reason I gain weight is because I eat and most times I overeat, I do it for basically whatever emotion I have. Food is what drives me, I love it. I have a passion for food, cooking it, learning about it and obviously, eating.
There's so much more to it for me though, so much deeper. I've grown up comparing myself to other women, my friends, family, that girl that I saw walking down the street.. it doesn't matter who it is, I'm always thinking "wow, I wish I could look like that" even when I DID look like that, I STILL wasn't satisfied. I could always be skinnier, better looking etc. I am sure part of it stems from being bullied as a kid, I wasn't seriously bullied, but there were enough mean girls at my school to make me feel like I wasn't good enough. I was a sensitive kid too, so that didn't help. I took everything personal and just about anything that anyone said to me in a not nice manner would hurt my feelings and would induce tears. As an adult, I've grown out of that (for the most part) and grown stronger and as a lot of my friends would say now, I don't take any crap. (ha!). I still have those leftover insecurities that I'm learning how to deal with though, I can still remember just about every mean thing that was said to me and somehow even as an adult, it still hurts. So how do I get past this? How do I take my past and use it as fuel to drive me to be a better person? This is still something I'm working on, I try my hardest to look at the positive things that I've done with my life and I've done my best to be as nice as possible to other people. I think it's a process that I'm not sure I'll ever be done with, I'm always going to be working on my confidence and building myself up, which to me, is OK. I'll get to a point where I'm happy with my body and happy with myself again.
I guess my whole point to writing this is that there's more to weight loss or changing my lifestyle than just eating less or better. I have to start working on the mental aspect of it too otherwise it's never going to work for me.
Step.By.Step.
There's another side to weight loss, something other than the physical aspect of it, it's the mental side of it. The emotional side, this is so much harder than the physical side of it. It all ties into itself, it all comes full circle. Your mind tells you that you can't do it and some times (most times) you believe it, it's what makes you give up and what makes you stop. If you are like me, it's what drives you to eat more and more. Then it keeps you up at night, thinking about the mistakes you made.. you chide yourself for being weak and for giving up, vowing all of these things to make the next day be better.. and for some reason it isn't. For some reason, we keep making the same mistakes and keep repeating the same things over and over again. The reason I gain weight is because I eat and most times I overeat, I do it for basically whatever emotion I have. Food is what drives me, I love it. I have a passion for food, cooking it, learning about it and obviously, eating.
There's so much more to it for me though, so much deeper. I've grown up comparing myself to other women, my friends, family, that girl that I saw walking down the street.. it doesn't matter who it is, I'm always thinking "wow, I wish I could look like that" even when I DID look like that, I STILL wasn't satisfied. I could always be skinnier, better looking etc. I am sure part of it stems from being bullied as a kid, I wasn't seriously bullied, but there were enough mean girls at my school to make me feel like I wasn't good enough. I was a sensitive kid too, so that didn't help. I took everything personal and just about anything that anyone said to me in a not nice manner would hurt my feelings and would induce tears. As an adult, I've grown out of that (for the most part) and grown stronger and as a lot of my friends would say now, I don't take any crap. (ha!). I still have those leftover insecurities that I'm learning how to deal with though, I can still remember just about every mean thing that was said to me and somehow even as an adult, it still hurts. So how do I get past this? How do I take my past and use it as fuel to drive me to be a better person? This is still something I'm working on, I try my hardest to look at the positive things that I've done with my life and I've done my best to be as nice as possible to other people. I think it's a process that I'm not sure I'll ever be done with, I'm always going to be working on my confidence and building myself up, which to me, is OK. I'll get to a point where I'm happy with my body and happy with myself again.
I guess my whole point to writing this is that there's more to weight loss or changing my lifestyle than just eating less or better. I have to start working on the mental aspect of it too otherwise it's never going to work for me.
Step.By.Step.
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