I hate the word skinny.
When I was in high school and even in my early/mid 20s I had one ambition in relation to my body: I wanted to be skinny. I didn't care how I got there, I just wanted to be small and skinny, wanted to be just like the other girls in my high school who could fit into a size 0 or size 2. It was my DREAM. Now, I was not fat in high school, I always weighed somewhere in the mid-high 140s (which for my frame works)but I always felt that I was bigger than the other girls and it was hard. I didn't see the other girls that were my size and were perfectly healthy (like I was). Nope.. I saw the "popular" girls who were small and wore barely there clothes and could get away with it. I've always had eh hm curves and I just wanted them to go away. When I graduated high school, I wasn't walking 4 miles every day so I definitely gained a good amount of weight and that was hard.. so I started with the yo yo dieting. Let me tell you, I tried everything to be skinny. I tried diet pills, which didn't make me lose weight but made my heart race and had me feeling shaky all the time. I tried the shakes, the no carbs... you name it..I had tried it all..in the pursuit to be skinny. Even when I lost weight before I got pregnant, all I wanted was to be skinny, I look back at my food diary from 3.5 years ago and see that there was just low amounts of calories with not much veggies or fruits.
The past few months I've had somewhat of an epiphany, it's taken long enough but I've gotten there. I hate the word skinny, to me, skinny isn't something that I want to be. Skinny doesn't necessarily mean healthy and what I want to be is healthy. Don't get me wrong, I really want to look and feel good and comfortable in my own body but that also means that I want to care for my body too. I want to be around for a long time and just eating 1200 calories a day (and not paying attention to what I'm actually eating) isn't going to get me there.
Here's where I am going with this, I know a lot of people want to lose weight just to look good, but think about this, if you are skinny and don't love your body..what's the point of that? Sure, other people may look at you differently but you will still see that person in the mirror and still be unhappy with something. You'll move on from your weight to the shape of your face or something else like that. Trust me when I say this, you won't ever be 100% happy with your body, but if you don't learn to love it and care for it..nothing will change. Allow me to be cheesy here: Your body IS your temple. It's the only one you will ever have, so care for it. Eat veggies/fruits, try not to drink a ton of soda if you can and drink more water, have a splurge every now and then (some people it's sweets and some people it's a double cheeseburger with fries - for me it's actually both!) and for the love of God, give yourself a break every now and then. Try to say something positive to yourself every day in the mirror. Seriously! It can be anything, here are some that I have said: my eyes look sparkly today, cute butt!, my legs look tone! and some days it's hard so it's something very minor "my skin doesn't look as pale today!" but I am saying something positive to myself every day. I'm learning to love who I am, as I am. And you know what? It's helping me SO much. I'm no longer comparing myself to other women and no longer hoping and praying that I will be "skinny" like them. I love who I am as a person, I love the way my eyes are shaped and my smile. I love how my butt looks in certain pants. It has taken me over 30 years, but I love myself.
I've had a difficult few weeks eating wise and running wise, but I'm getting back to it and pushing myself to get back into the groove. I'm not perfect, I have bad days and weeks, I stress eat (hi cookies) and I give myself a hard time about it. It's a learning process, always a learning process. You will never ever ever learn everything there is to know about your body, which is why you always want to keep your mind open when it comes to stuff like this.
That was a lot longer than I had intended it to be, but it felt good to write it.
The past few months I've had somewhat of an epiphany, it's taken long enough but I've gotten there. I hate the word skinny, to me, skinny isn't something that I want to be. Skinny doesn't necessarily mean healthy and what I want to be is healthy. Don't get me wrong, I really want to look and feel good and comfortable in my own body but that also means that I want to care for my body too. I want to be around for a long time and just eating 1200 calories a day (and not paying attention to what I'm actually eating) isn't going to get me there.
Here's where I am going with this, I know a lot of people want to lose weight just to look good, but think about this, if you are skinny and don't love your body..what's the point of that? Sure, other people may look at you differently but you will still see that person in the mirror and still be unhappy with something. You'll move on from your weight to the shape of your face or something else like that. Trust me when I say this, you won't ever be 100% happy with your body, but if you don't learn to love it and care for it..nothing will change. Allow me to be cheesy here: Your body IS your temple. It's the only one you will ever have, so care for it. Eat veggies/fruits, try not to drink a ton of soda if you can and drink more water, have a splurge every now and then (some people it's sweets and some people it's a double cheeseburger with fries - for me it's actually both!) and for the love of God, give yourself a break every now and then. Try to say something positive to yourself every day in the mirror. Seriously! It can be anything, here are some that I have said: my eyes look sparkly today, cute butt!, my legs look tone! and some days it's hard so it's something very minor "my skin doesn't look as pale today!" but I am saying something positive to myself every day. I'm learning to love who I am, as I am. And you know what? It's helping me SO much. I'm no longer comparing myself to other women and no longer hoping and praying that I will be "skinny" like them. I love who I am as a person, I love the way my eyes are shaped and my smile. I love how my butt looks in certain pants. It has taken me over 30 years, but I love myself.
I've had a difficult few weeks eating wise and running wise, but I'm getting back to it and pushing myself to get back into the groove. I'm not perfect, I have bad days and weeks, I stress eat (hi cookies) and I give myself a hard time about it. It's a learning process, always a learning process. You will never ever ever learn everything there is to know about your body, which is why you always want to keep your mind open when it comes to stuff like this.
That was a lot longer than I had intended it to be, but it felt good to write it.
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