Motivation, Inspiration and realizations.

Last night while on the treadmill I had a realization as to why I have never been able to stick to losing weight or "dieting". I realized that I was always doing it for someone else, my mother, my husband, my friends.. but not myself. I have never done it so that I can feel good. This has been why I have failed every single other time I have tried it, it's a cycle. I feel embarrassed about the way I look because I'm afraid of what other people will think of me, so I say "I'M GOING TO START A DIET! AND I'M GOING TO LOSE 50 POUNDS AND BE 100 POUNDS!" (sorry for the shouty caps so early in the morning it's for emphasis)I then go crazy with the first week of the diet, maybe even the first month. I work out like crazy. I restrict myself to certain foods because they are not "in the diet"  so after the first month, I start to get depressed that it's not happening faster and that I haven't lost all 50 pounds. I then start slowly eating "bad things" then I binge, like I will have a cheeseburger and french fries a chocolate shake.. the WORKS. From there it's all downhill. Then it starts all over again.

Well last night I began to think of why I am doing this, who I am doing it for and what I am going to do to make it work.  The why I am doing this: I am sick of feeling uncomfortable in my own body, every day I just get more and more sad about the way I feel.  I need to make big changes to feel better about myself and have more confidence in who I am.

The who I am doing it for? Myself. I realized that if I am not happy with myself and not feeling good about myself, no one else will feel good about me either. I can't do it for any one else. I think I mentioned that previously, but I felt the need to put it in here again so that I can emphasize what I really mean about it.

What am I going to do to make it work? I am going to work out even when I feel "to tired", I am going to log my calories every single day. Every single calorie. Every single day. I can't do this halfway and only do it during the week I HAVE to get better at doing it regularly to make it a habit.  I am going to read stories of inspiration every day, so that I can see what can be accomplished. Every time I feel like I'm getting down on myself I am going to read someone's story about how they did it.  If hundreds of people that have more to lose than me can lose it, then I can definitely lose it.

I have held back from really telling to many people about this because I was so afraid to fail. I was also ashamed that I needed to start doing this, but another thing I realized last night was that I can't be ashamed of it. I should be proud that I am making the change in my life to be a better person, to be a better me. I want to be around for 70 more years and I know that life isn't promised,  but I am going to make damn sure that I try my hardest to keep myself healthy and keep my body in shape.  I am proud of who I am and I am proud of what I can become.

I know that along the way I will have bumps and stalls where I will think "I can't do this, it's not worth it" but at those times I'm going to look back on this post and remember how I feel today. How energized this makes me feel, how the soreness of my muscles reminds me that I worked for this and how good it feels to be proud of myself.

You get a cookie if you read all that :)
That's all I have for today!