What it's really like to be a parent: Advice to new parents

I was talking to a friend who recently had a baby and we were talking about what you aren’t told about having a baby. The hard stuff.  Most of the time we’re led to believe that you will have a perfect delivery and you will come home with your baby 2 days later and things will be perfect. That’s just not true. What we don’t talk about as Mom’s (and Dad’s too!) is how hard it is, how much you cry the first few months, how exhausting it is. Shame on us for not preparing our fellow Mom’s better and warning them about the whirlwind that their life is going to be, so I’m dedicating this post to all of the new parents and hope that I can help at least one new Mom feel better.  

• Your delivery may not be as perfect as you envisioned it and things do happen. I think I’ve mentioned this before, but I had a c-section, which was not my original plan at all. In my head I said to myself “I’m going to go in and have this baby in a few hours and all will be great!” Yeah, didn’t work out so well. I had a lot of issues coming to terms with the fact that I had a c-section and I felt like a failure that I couldn’t push my son out which is just so natural for so many other women. Why couldn’t I do it? What was wrong with me? Did I not try hard enough? The truth is that sometimes these things happen and sometimes a c-section is needed. It’s just how it is and there is NOTHING wrong with having a c-section and it is NOT your fault if you have to have one.  You are doing what you need to do to deliver your child safely and keep yourself safe as well. Any delivery is a good delivery as long as baby and Mom are healthy, think of it that way.  Even if you have a natural delivery, things may not work out the way you hope (you have to be induced, you end up getting an epidural even if you wanted a drug free birth, you  tear etc.) things just happen. Your health and your baby’s health are the number one priority here. So don’t feel bad if things didn’t go the way that you had envisioned, you are strong woman for delivering your baby, no matter how he/she got here.

•   Your relationship with your s/o/husband will change in a big way; you may even lose each other for a bit. This is really inevitable, because if you think about it, for so long you’ve been focused on only each other and now you have this wriggling bundle of joy that needs you every second of the day. So, you really don’t have time at first to concentrate on each other. What matters is that you take time at some point and just appreciate each other. It’s easier said than done, but one of my friends said this and it really stuck with me “My children are my world, but my husband is my universe” it’s so true. You have to remember that sometimes, your other half just has to come first. It’s hard in the beginning to do that, but it gets better.

•    The first 3 months suck, especially the first month.  When you have your baby you think “Well, my kid isn’t going to be one of those kids that cries all the time or that doesn’t sleep! He/She will be perfect!” Yeah. Not so much. You don’t sleep, ever. You spend your days praying that they will sleep through the night and then when they finally do, you wake up in a panic.  It’s ok to think to yourself “WHAT DID WE DO?! WE WEREN’T READY!!” because just about every other Mom (myself included) has thought this way. It doesn’t mean you don’t love your baby; it’s a huge adjustment and a HUGE life change. You are both still getting to know each other and your baby is still getting used to life on the “outside” so try not to be so hard on yourself. It does get easier, you both get to know one another and you both get to a point where you’re comfortable with each other.  Trust me when I say we’ve all had our nights where we just cry because we’re so tired and the baby won’t sleep.  It’s ok.

• Breastfeeding is important, however your sanity is more important. Breast milk is so beneficial for babies and it is super important that they get it if possible. BUT, if you can’t do it or don’t want to do it, that’s okay too. As long as you are feeding your child and keeping them healthy, that’s really what matters. It is not for everyone and whatever choice YOU make is what is going to be best for YOUR family, so try not to let others hurt you if they are cruel about it or push you on it (especially the hospital LC they can be harsh sometimes!).

•   You may not feel instantly connected to your baby and that’s OK. You may sit there look at the baby and be like.. “Ok…so….where is that intense/ crazy motherly love that I’m supposed to be feeling” It does come, but it may not be instant. It takes time for you to bond with your baby and for you both to really connect with each other. Of course you love them from day 1 but you aren’t instantly going to be completely connected with him/her at first. SO don’t feel bad over that! You will get to a point where this kid just completely has your heart. Where you sneak in to their room just watch them sleep…then scurry away when they start to stir in fear that you have “woken the beast”

•  Last thing: You will do things that you said “I’ll never do” when you’re a parent. Whether it be giving them a pacifier, constantly holding them, letting them sleep on you It just happens, the first 3 months are survival mode. You do whatever works to keep your sanity.

I don’t want this to be too long so I’ll just stop there. There’s more that I could write, but my main point is that we as Mothers will always feel some type of Mom guilt and will always be questioning ourselves. I wonder a lot if I’m doing this whole parenting thing right, but I know that I am doing the best I can. I love my son with all that I have and know that because of that, I am a good Mother…and you are too. Also, these are just my opinions so take them or leave them! I just want the other Mamas out there to know, that hey..you are a good Mom.