Reminding myself.

So, I don't think it's any big secret but I've been having a really hard time adjusting to getting back to how I was before with working out and eating right. It's such a balance being a  working Mom, you want to spend all your "free" time with your kid because you miss them and by the time they go to sleep you don't want to do anything else. I've really been in my own head lately and telling myself that I've been trying, but in reality I haven't been trying all that hard. I haven't been religiously sticking to logging my calories (I'll log in but not the way I used to) and I haven't been working out. At all. I use the baby as an excuse for it but to be honest I'm actually just being honest. I'm giving myself way to many outs and I'm writing about how I'm "going" to do all of this stuff and it just never actually happens. I made a commitment to a friend to run this weekend and I'm excited to do it, though she will probably have to deal with me complaining and hobbling away ;) the whole time. Plus I'm signing up for my first race of the year, I haven't been on top of it as I'd like but in the past I would just sign up for a race and then worry about training for it after. That's what gave me the motivation to keep going was to get through the race without dying. So, I'm going to sign up for a race and just do it.

The other thing I did today to remind myself was I went back and read my posts that I wrote when I first started. Wow. It reminded me of how low I was when I started and how far I had come. It showed me how happy and how much of a better me I was then. I was so happy and proud of myself, something that I just don't feel right now.  I'll be honest I got a bit teary when reading because I forgot how good I felt but also how when I started I felt similar to the way I do now. The feeling of being ashamed of what I look like and not wanting people to see me that haven't seen me in awhile, just because I don't want to face it. It was a real slap in the face of what I need to do to change again. How I need to get back to where I was and how happy I will be when I get there..or even when I make some progress. I think if I start with smaller goals as I did before I'll be better off. Saying that I'm going to run every other day this week is just not going to happen, so if I say my goal is to run at least twice this week before Saturday, I think I can do that. My other goal that I'll make for this week is to log my food consistently and honestly. If I go over, I go over.

So I'm hoping that I can get there from here. I just need to be stricter with myself, but in a productive way. Telling myself every day that I'm fat or I'm gross is not helpful. It's all a mind game that you play. Trying to be positive and happy is the only way to actually be positive and happy.

And with that, I am leaving one of my most helpful posts to myself. It reminded me what I was doing this for before.
http://mylittlebitofhoney.blogspot.com/2012/09/motivation-inspiration-and-realizations.html

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