"I didn't lose weight, it's not like I'll be looking for it later"

 I can't remember where I  first heard that, but I love it. It's true, I'm not losing weight. I'm kicking it's ass out of my body and it's never welcome back. 

20 pounds. Wow. I've officially lost all of the weight I put on after my wedding. I feel accomplished, but I know I'm not there yet. I guess I have a fear setting in that I'm not going to be satisfied, no matter how much weight I lose. I should look at the positive side of this, I'm not only the same weight I was for my wedding, but I am also smaller than I was at my wedding. I have been losing inches and pounds, which is great and it DOES make me happy.

I weighed 150 basically throughout high school, then when I was 20 I dropped down to about 130ish (in a very unhealthy way). I went through a lot of "stuff" that year making it impossible to eat so I lost that weight. Well as it does when you lose weight that way, it came back. I was at 150 again, then a year later I was at my highest of 172. I didn't look like I was that big, but I really was.  Then, I started dating my husband and started working out, walking daily etc. and the weight came off, I was back down to 145-150. I got sick and my gallbladder went wonky, I was down to about 130 pounds when I went into the hospital to have emergency surgery. I lost a few more pounds when I was recovering but then once I was better..back up to 150.  Then we got engaged and married and after that I ballooned (as you can see from the previous posts picture) to 170 yet again.  I looked way bigger than I did when I was 172 before, I was just bloated.  So here I am, back to 150 yet again. Looking to get down to 130 pounds, the healthy way. To keep it off.   So, I guess I am happy to be 150, it's way better than being 170. I'm not super happy though, it's only 20 pounds and I've been here so many times before.  I just don't feel very accomplished today.

I'm also not feeling all that great because I haven't gotten to the gym in over a week. I just want to run. I'm hoping I'll get to go tomorrow, it really does help get those endorphins going and put me in a better mood and feeling more..inspired.

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