I could eat everything.
I'm having one of those weeks, I could eat everything in sight. Yesterday I tracked down a co-worker and told her "I need to have chocolate or someone may get hurt". Yes, my craving was that serious. I got chocolate and no one got hurt. Phew.
Some days, I just want to quit. I just want to eat whatever I want and not even think about it, like I did before. I knew what I was eating was awful, I just didn't know how awful. Now, I educated myself and I have such guilt when I eat things that are high in calorie. Damn me. This morning, I was STARVING when I got to work. I knew my English muffin, banana and tea were not going to cut it, I had to have something more. SO I moseyed on down to the cafeteria and looked around. Hmph. The bacon, homefries, tater tots (yes, they serve tater tots for breakfast at my work, be jealous) looked DELICIOUS. It seemed like they had a glowing aura around them. They were ACTUALLY calling to me "Krystale.......Krystaleeeeee...we are so crunchy and salty..and greasyy...." I picked up a plate..and I headed towards the buffet. Thousands of thoughts running through my mind, "well it can't be that bad if I only have two..but two..? that's IT" "Bacon is so good for you, how can I not have some" "The homefries aren't FRIED..are they?" and many many more. One thought however, stuck out. It just cut through me like a knife and made me put the plate down.. it was this "Your whole day of calories would be on this plate and you would be undoing the things you've worked so hard for..plus.. you would feel miserable" so I put the plate down and got a veggie egg white omelet instead. I compromised. I have my banana for later, I will have my tea in a little bit.. but I enjoyed my omelet and my Trop 50 OJ. I may not eat fantastic on the weekends, but during the week I like to be a bit militant about my meals. I have to keep myself reigned in with hopes that on the weekends I can improve my meals. I usually stay under my calorie goals, I just don't eat as many fruits and veggies. So here I sit, my tummy is full. I am happy and ready to start my day. I am so glad that I went with the egg white omelet instead of the buffet. I have one pound left to lose until I hit the 20 pound mark and I am praying that it comes off this week.
I've already started planning on how I want to get my hair cut and colored when I do hit the 20 pound mark. It's the halfway point and it's a big deal to me. This will be the most I've ever lost while trying to lose weight. I've been going back and forth on whether or not I want to actually go down as low as I thought I did. I came to the conclusion that I do. I want to keep going and hit 130, that is my ultimate goal weight. It's going to take me a long time to get there, especially since I've been doing this since..August? and I'm only halfway there, but I'm OK with that. I didn't put this weight on overnight and it won't come off over night. The weight I am now onto trying to lose is weight that has been with me for the past 10 years. I have fluctuated but it usually comes back to 150 on the scale. I want to be below that. I know, I know the scale doesn't matter much for some people, but it matters to me. I am excited for my tight jeans to be my "fat jeans" again.
I'll get there from here, I just need to keep myself focused on my end goal.
Some days, I just want to quit. I just want to eat whatever I want and not even think about it, like I did before. I knew what I was eating was awful, I just didn't know how awful. Now, I educated myself and I have such guilt when I eat things that are high in calorie. Damn me. This morning, I was STARVING when I got to work. I knew my English muffin, banana and tea were not going to cut it, I had to have something more. SO I moseyed on down to the cafeteria and looked around. Hmph. The bacon, homefries, tater tots (yes, they serve tater tots for breakfast at my work, be jealous) looked DELICIOUS. It seemed like they had a glowing aura around them. They were ACTUALLY calling to me "Krystale.......Krystaleeeeee...we are so crunchy and salty..and greasyy...." I picked up a plate..and I headed towards the buffet. Thousands of thoughts running through my mind, "well it can't be that bad if I only have two..but two..? that's IT" "Bacon is so good for you, how can I not have some" "The homefries aren't FRIED..are they?" and many many more. One thought however, stuck out. It just cut through me like a knife and made me put the plate down.. it was this "Your whole day of calories would be on this plate and you would be undoing the things you've worked so hard for..plus.. you would feel miserable" so I put the plate down and got a veggie egg white omelet instead. I compromised. I have my banana for later, I will have my tea in a little bit.. but I enjoyed my omelet and my Trop 50 OJ. I may not eat fantastic on the weekends, but during the week I like to be a bit militant about my meals. I have to keep myself reigned in with hopes that on the weekends I can improve my meals. I usually stay under my calorie goals, I just don't eat as many fruits and veggies. So here I sit, my tummy is full. I am happy and ready to start my day. I am so glad that I went with the egg white omelet instead of the buffet. I have one pound left to lose until I hit the 20 pound mark and I am praying that it comes off this week.
I've already started planning on how I want to get my hair cut and colored when I do hit the 20 pound mark. It's the halfway point and it's a big deal to me. This will be the most I've ever lost while trying to lose weight. I've been going back and forth on whether or not I want to actually go down as low as I thought I did. I came to the conclusion that I do. I want to keep going and hit 130, that is my ultimate goal weight. It's going to take me a long time to get there, especially since I've been doing this since..August? and I'm only halfway there, but I'm OK with that. I didn't put this weight on overnight and it won't come off over night. The weight I am now onto trying to lose is weight that has been with me for the past 10 years. I have fluctuated but it usually comes back to 150 on the scale. I want to be below that. I know, I know the scale doesn't matter much for some people, but it matters to me. I am excited for my tight jeans to be my "fat jeans" again.
I'll get there from here, I just need to keep myself focused on my end goal.
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