My little Bit of Honey

I made up a new song. "Oh Christmas cookie, Oh Christmas cookie..your icing is so fattening..Oh Christmas Cookie, Oh Christmas cookie, the butter is just so abundant..Oh Christmas cookie..Oh Christmas Cookie..you add 10 pounds to my hips..."  If there is one thing I love about being Italian it's the food, ESPECIALLY the food around Christmas time. Pizelles? Could eat 100 of them at a time. Anisette cookies? Psh. I just finished a whole tray (Maybe not, but I could) Biscotti? Where's my coffee! They are just mighty addicting. A woman I work with so generously  brought in two trays of 4 different kinds of home made Italian cookies. Now, normally I'm a chocolate chip girl but these cookies are to.die.for.  I may have ate them instead of my yogurt and strawberries for breakfast. It's so hard to be a foodie and have to watch what you eat, however the past few days I haven't been watching anything but the fattening foods go into my mouth. Pizza, Ice cream cake...

I've decided to join the gym..yet again.  Like my relationship with food my relationship with the gym/exercise has always been an up and down struggle. When I first start I'm super pumped about it and will go every day, then slowly start to skip a day..skip another day, skip a week, skip another week and then I just don't go. Have you seen that commercial with the couple, where the wife asks the husband "so did you go to the gym today" and he comes up with all those excuses as to why he's not going. Yup, that's me to a T. Well, I've gotten to this point in my weight loss where I realized I have to start exercising regularly. None of this every other day for 20 minutes, I have to turn it into a habit. This is pretty similar to what I did when I first started calorie counting, I forced myself to do it every.single.day. and eventually it got to be like second nature, if I don't log onto MFP, my day is not complete and I feel off. Seriously. So, I...

Today is the big day, I hit the big 100.  I have been calorie counting for 100 days, I have lost 18lbs and 9 inches in my waist and 12.5 in my hips. It's made a pretty significant difference.  To say the past 100 days has been easy would be a flat out lie. This has been the hardest thing I have ever done, but having the determination to do it is something that I am proud of.  A year ago today, I was miserable with myself and not able to look in the mirror. Now, I can actually look in the mirror and smile at the person staring back at me. It's a good feeling, a very good feeling. I've learned so much about myself and my willpower (which I thougth I had none of) has grown so much. I still enjoy the occasional splurge, but I'm always very aware of how much I'm eating and what it will cost me later.  Not much else to say today, just wanted to share that little tid bit! :) Have a wonderful day!

I read a lot of blogs on dieting, eating healthy and exercising. I also read some of the community posts on MyFitnessPal. What drives me crazy about some of the posts on MFP is  some of these people are so amped up and ready to lose weight that they will do anything. I know some of these people are "trolls" and are just doing it to get a rise out of the people on There, but I don't get it. When you eat such a small amount of calories, you are putting your body at risk, so what you lose 40 pounds in a month and you look great. The minute you start eating "normally"again it all comes back on.  A 500 calorie a day diet and vitamin injections? Nope, that's not OK no matter who is watching your diet. If a doctor approves that, you may want to verify his medical license. I used to be one of these people. I wanted to lose weight and I wanted to lose it as fast as possible, it would ultimately end in a binge and I would gain everything (PLUS ten pounds back). 1-2 ...

That quote is true in so many ways. Motivation doesn't always stay with you, in fact it usually only lasts for a couple of weeks. I've said it in earlier posts about how previously when getting started I was super motivated, only to fail a month later. My main issue was I didn't set a schedule and I didn't put "fail safes" in  my plan. In fact, I don't think I really had a plan. "Eat less and work out" isn't a plan, no matter how you look at it when you are trying to lose weight and change your lifestyle. The past 4 months or so that I've been doing this I have really started to make myself stick to my habits. Every day I log onto MFP and I log my food, it's addictive. If I don't do it, I feel like something is missing and my day isn't complete. If I miss logging something I feel an intense guilt that makes me go back and log it.  I've also gotten into the habit of thinking about everything that I eat or drink. In the mo...

So, we all know the thingymajig that I am talking about. That little thing with the handles that they use at the gym to tell your BMI and body fat percentage. It.is.evil. Pure evil. I had bought one awhile back (before I started with MFP) thinking "This will be so great! I will be able to see my BMI go way down! woohoo!"  Yeah. A month into I started getting depressed. Two months into it I could barely look at that thing without wanting to throw it out the window. Hard. I know that it was my fault (I wasn't counting calories and I wasn't putting the effort into my weight loss ), I expected magic results just because I bought this little contraption.  It wasn't happening and I was getting so discouraged, I threw the thing in a drawer and forgot about it. I was always on the "high-very high" side.  This morning as I was getting ready for work I noticed it in the drawer and I thought "hm. It has been awhile, let's see what it is now.." Mind ...

And another one gone and another one gone..another one bites the dust. There. Now you ALL have Queen stuck in your head. You're welcome ;) What I Meant by that was that another pound bites the dust. Yup. Down one more.  Two pounds left till I'm at the halfway point, two pounds till I'm back to where I was over a year ago. Then I begin the journey of trying to lose the weight that has been on there for quite some time.  I was thinking last night how great it feels to not be "afraid" to look at the scale anymore, I am not where I want to be (yet) but I am not afraid of the numbers I see. I'm a work in progress which is always a good thing, when we stop working on ourselves and trying to improve it's almost as if we "give up" on who we are. No one is perfect and I don't think anyone really tries to be perfect, but we all try to best of ourselves we can be. I lost my way for awhile, I look back on my past posts and it brings tears to my eyes. I...

Happy Monday after Thanksgiving all! I hope you all had a lovely holiday and ate lots of delicious food! My Thanksgiving was great, it started off with my Turkey Trot 5k. I felt good about doing this 5k because 70% of the proceeds go to the local food bank. However, I knew starting the race I wasn't going to do well. I hadn't trained in over 2 months and I just knew I was going to come in at 40-45 minutes. I think that this mindset really helped take the pressure off, which in turn helped me to do much MUCH better. My time was: 34.23 which was my best time that I've had in a 5k yet. I had to stop three times to walk a little and to take my inhaler, but I didn't let myself walk for more then 2 minutes. I paced my running and my breathing and I ran across the finish line with a giant smile on my face. I couldn't believe it, when you are running a 5k you feel (well I feel) like I am taking forever and I will be in last place.  So it's always a nice surprise when ...

Not today, but tomorrow. This is a day that anyone who is losing weight stresses out over, the biggest eating day of the year. I'm honestly not all that stressed over it, I was at first but not really anymore. I will be with my family and I will be enjoying their company, having a glass of wine and some delicious food. I've been doing great all week and I will count my calories, but I won't worry if I go over. The good thing about this whole process is that my stomach definitely has shrunk. I can no longer eat massive plates of food and I know when to stop. I realize that my brain processes food faster than my tummy so I eat slower than I used to. There were times when I ate like someone was going to take my food away and I wouldn't stop until everything was gone. I still finish my plates for the most part unless I go out to dinner, then I will try and keep my portions under control.  Unfortunately I didn't lose the 10 lbs I wanted to by Thanksgiving. Which I...

So I used a cheesy quote from Annie, don't hate. It's true.  The sun DOES come out and I AM having a better day today than I did yesterday. For all those who are wondering, I did in fact go home and do a work out. I also had an ice cream BUT I had A LOT of calories left over. I figured it balanced itself out. The ice cream was also only 180 calories, so not that bad. Throughout this whole process I have been adamant to not restrict myself and say what I "can't" eat. That word is not good, it does not help you. It's like when you say "I can't have that it has to many calories" your brain throws this switch and goes haywire. Example: You say:  "Ha. I can't have that piece of pumpkin pie deliciousness with whipped cream!" Your brain: "OMG. I NEED that PIE to LIVE! If I do not have a piece of pie I WILL die" so what can you do? Your brain is telling you in order to survive, you need pie, cake or whatever it is you want to ha...

Today is just one of those days I want to throw in the towel. I want to crawl under the covers with a bag of candy and just stay there.  Not.a.good.day. I am overly emotional and sensitive and just having that feeling that nothing is good enough. There isn't really a reason, just one of them days (Remember that song?) We've all been here, we've all had these days. I've gotten through these days, gone home, gone to bed and woke up the next day in a much better mood. So why is it that you can't see past these days during them?  In the past, I would get fast food (Wendy's, number one with cheese, chicken nuggets and a large coke) eat every last bit of it and then have ice cream after (chocolate, obviously). So far today, I've resisted the temptations. I walked past the chocolate cake in the cafe without even batting an eye lash. Same with the apple pie and pumpkin pie. I had a 100 calorie pack of chocolate covered pretzels and a 100 calorie bag of popcorn. ...

How often are we told that you should eat less to lose weight? While this may be true, I take it with a grain of salt. Now, I'm not saying that eating 5 thousand calories a day is OK, I'm saying that maybe eating 1200 is not enough. When you start with MyFitnessPal they give everyone the same amount of calories, 1200. Keeping in that range, I have lost 16 pounds, but I am thinking that my weight loss is starting to slow down because I am not eating enough. I have gone to a few different websites and they say that I should be consuming at least 1500 calories a day to lose weight. A couple websites told me I should be eating at least 2,000, but 1500 seems to be the magic number. So I'm going to try that, with hopes that it will jump start my metabolism and I will feel like I am losing again. I've also started eating protein with every snack, per the suggestion of one of my faithful readers (thanks :) ) and that has helped a lot. In addition to that having a bigger break...

I haven't posted in awhile, I really haven't had much to say. I don't want to keep posting about the same things every day, I know how boring that can get. I don't want to do that to myself or to any of my lovely readers! I have had a few challenges in the past few weeks that have gotten me down in the dumps lately. I really haven't been able to stop myself from snacking. I have been doing my best to stay under 1200 calories a day, but I still end up not losing weight. It's.so.frustrating. I weighed myself this morning and again, no change. I was so frustrated. I knew I hadn't lose 3 pounds or anything crazy like that, but I felt like I should've at least lost something. SO I decided to measure myself. I lost an inch and a half. around my waist and a whole inch on my hips. Glory! I have lost somewhere! This is good! This tells me I am not back pedaling and I am moving forward. So today I started thinking, what can I do to keep myself full until lunch...

Ah, these jeans. I love them. I bought them in mid August and they have been my only pair of jeans for the past few months that fit comfortably. They have that perfect feel to them, they are skinny jeans but they don't feel like saran wrap on your legs. Now, they don't fit, they are to big and I am constantly pulling them up. They don't look like skinny jeans anymore. This makes me sad and happy, sad because I am losing my FAVORITE jeans and happy for obvious reasons. Granted, I'll still wear them.... till they are literally falling off.  Then it's time for new favorite jeans! I have had a bad week, I think that is obvious in my posts. I felt like I wasn't losing anything and well, I really didn't. 0.2 pounds. I'm thinking I need to change my diet around a bit and either take certain things out or add certain things. Maybe a bit of both.  I feel like I'm hitting that weight loss wall that we all hit sometimes. I know I need to stop eating these rea...

I've been having a tough week so far, regarding my body image and weight loss. Now, if you've been reading my blog you know all along that this is the major thing that I struggle with. How do I get myself into a good mindset? How do I feel that "this is good enough, I look good" ? I don't know the answer to that. I honestly, don't. Don't get me wrong, I have been staying well under 2000 calories a day and I have worked out for the past two days. So where is all of this negativity coming from? I have this giant fear that I will hit a point and I will never lose another pound again. This thought terrifies me. Then the other thought is, how can I stay on this plan for the rest of my life? I know, it's a lifestyle change. Still though, will I ever be able to eat without counting the calories again?  Then my other thought is, what if I get down to the weight that I want to be at and I'm still not happy? What do I do then? I have so many questions that...

How true is this? I see a lot of these commercials and advertisements for these things that can "make you lose 50 pounds in 2 weeks!" or "Lose 20 pounds in 2 days!" OK maybe they aren't THAT drastic, but you get my point. You can't lose weight that fast and if you do, you can guarantee it is coming back on as soon as you stop doing whatever it is you were doing. I will admit, I have definitely tried a few of these schemes. The pills, the shakes, the powders, you get the idea. I spent money on these things because I felt "there is no other way", when in reality I was just being lazy. I wanted to eat what I wanted and still lose weight, I didn't want to work out. I just wanted to LOOK better not FEEL better.  There are protein shakes that definitely help you feel better and help you after a workout, but to drink them just to lose weight is just silly. I've taken hydroxycut and it made me shaky all the time and I didn't lose any weight, ...

I weighed myself this morning since I wasn't sure I'd be able to tomorrow. I am finally on the other side of the 150s, I'm at 154.6 and I have lost 15.4 pounds so far. I am 4.6 pounds away from my halfway point of 20 pounds. It's definitely an accomplishment, but it is also frustrating. This process takes time and if you aren't patient with your body your mind starts working against you. I have been trying to look at this from a different point of view, other than "I've only lost 15.4 pounds and I'm still over 150" I have been trying to look at it as "I've already lost 15.4 pounds in two months and I'm no longer over 160!".   So in another attempt to not be so frustrated I also looked at my inches lost (this is one thing that really gets overlooked when losing weight, but is so important). Here are my stats starting from 9/9: Waist: Starting: 40.0 inches Current (as of 10/29): 34.5 Total inches lost: 5.5 Hips: Starting: 51.0 Cur...

I don't know how I did it, but I survived. My total candy consumption for Halloween: 2 fun size packs of Whoppers (62 calories total), Reese's Peanut butter cup (80 Calories total) and a Snickers (80 calories total). As a chocolate fiend, this is a very successful year for me. Previous years I have indulged and not thought about how much I was eating. I could easily eat an entire box of Whoppers a large Snickers or a few peanut butter cups. I can't say it doesn't cross my mind to just pick up a candy bar at the grocery store while they are staring me right in the face. So I do pick it up and I look at the back and the calorie count and I pretty much throw it back. It must be a mental thing, but when I even think about eating a lot of candy I swear I can feel my stomach getting bigger. A lot of people look at me and will say "what's a piece of candy every now and then?" Well for someone who has hypothyroidism and a slow metabolism, a piece of candy every ...

Today I realized something, I am starting to get to comfortable where I am. When you are trying to lose weight, there is a point that you reach where you've lost some weight and people are complimenting you. It feels great and you think to yourself, "well everyone thinks I look so great now, why should I keep going?"  I can feel myself slowing down and not taking this as seriously, so how do I stop it? How do I keep myself on track with this?  Well I am back to treating myself the same way I did 14 pounds ago. I cannot stop, I cannot slow down This is something that I am doing, I am going to lose 40 pounds. I have 6 more pounds to lose before Thanksgiving to hit my halfway point. I don't have much time, so I definitely have to crack down on  my eating habits and my exercise. Anyway, short post today. Thanks for reading!

So, over the weekend I lost another 1.4 pounds. I am at 14 pounds weight loss, which to me is quite the accomplishment.  I took a picture of myself on Saturday and compared it to one that I had taken in July (I think it was around then) and I was amazed at the difference. My face is really where i gain weight and lose weight first, so I know I am losing when my face looks slimmer.  So here is my very first progress photo: I'll end up posting some of my entire body once I hit 20 pounds. I don't have to many progress photos, which is something that I definitely should have done when I first started. Anyway,  the photo on the left is of me at my heaviest which was around 170 and the one on the right is of me currently which is 156. :)Not to shabby, I think! Anyway, everyone stay safe in this crazy storm!

I have had a great morning so far. I am wearing my purple shirt.  I have a story about this purple shirt. Two years ago my hubby bought me some really pretty button up shirts for Christmas. I loved them and I couldn't wait to wear them. Except..they didn't fit. I said to myself,  I am not returning these shirts. I will fit into them. Well two years have gone by and every time I go to put the shirts on I look like the Hulk trying to transform, seriously it wasn't pretty. Every time I would try to put them on I would get so sad because I couldn't wear them, after awhile I stopped trying to wear them. Well last night I was putting my clothes out for today decided to give it a shot, I also put out another shirt "just in case". In my head I was thinking "there is no way I'm wearing this button up, but what the hell". So this morning, I put it on. It Fit. IT FIT! FINALLY after TWO years it FITS..and you know what? it looks GOOD. I showed my hubby rig...

Good Morning readers! Today I'm going to touch on what exactly keeps me motivated. I've done posts on this before, but I don't know that I've gone into detail or mentioned some of the things that really keep me going. I'll do it in list form because lists are fun and easier to read. 1.)  Feeling my arms and abs becoming tighter. This was a big one for me yesterday, mainly because I really did not want to work out. I was in a bad mood feeling crappy and the last thing I wanted was to hear Jillian Michaels telling me to keep going. As I started my work out, I was slacking in it (think half raising your arms, doing half a push up and stopping) was she got into some of the arm movements I noticed my biceps were actually toning up. Something I've never thought to look at before, but I actually look like I am getting small muscles. I was amazed, so I kept going and I pushed it harder on the arm moves. Then when I was laying down getting ready to do abs, I put my...

Sorry about that, It's been a crazy few days so I haven't had a chance to post anything. I'm having one of those weeks where I want to eat everything in sight and I'm not feeling quite full. Krystale before MFP would indulge, indulge indulge! Krystale now tries to find ways to snack that are healthier and more filling. It really has been quite difficult for me this week though, as work has been slightly stressful (I am aware it's only Tuesday) and I am SUCH a stress eater. The things that I like to snack on when I'm feeling like this: Hummus and carrots, it is seriously one of my favorite snacks. Plus, you eat 2 tbsp of Hummus and about 6 carrots and you are pretty satisfied. Cheese sticks or babybel usually satisfy my cheese craving. The really complicated one is chocolate (I know from reading my blog and if you actually know me, you know that I am obsessed with chocolate). It's so hard to find something chocolatey to snack on that doesn't send me off...

I decided to give level 2 of the 30DS a shot, I' m on my second day of it and I don't feel sore. I really am questioning myself on how hard I'm working. Don't get me wrong, I am busting my ass and sweating like a pig when I'm done, but the fact is that I'm just not feeling sore. I feel like my body is adjusting to it or I'm not doing anything. When she says push harder and "I want you to be screaming at the tv" I am. Well maybe not screaming at the TV but I am whisperyelling at her to shut up.  It's a challenging workout for sure, but I want to feel that soreness the next day. Otherwise I really don't feel like I'm doing anything and that I'm not working hard enough. I think I might have to add something onto after the shred, maybe a second workout on demand that's a bit longer? Now there is a thought.  With that being said, I know that the 30DS is working. I lost 2 inches off of my waist and hips in the past 3 weeks and I fin...

That really struck a chord with me. The biggest part of weight loss and staying in shape is really believing in yourself. I have been trying to lose weight for the past 4 years or so I'd say, this is the only time that I have lost anything significant. I know why that is now, I didn't believe in myself before. Every time I would start my weight loss journey, I would get into my own head and tell myself that I wasn't good enough or that this was impossible Looking back, I really wasn't dealing with the actual issue and was only dealing with the surface issue (my weight). Every day (as cheesy as it sounds) I try to remind myself that I am actually doing something and that no matter what the choice I make with my food or my exercise, it effects me in some way.  There is such a cycle with becoming overweight and you really can't see it until you are ready to. You start by eating a little bit extra at dinner or snacking a little more during the day then you stop runnin...

Since I was on vacation last week I seemed to have fallen off the whole weight loss path.  Not to say that I haven't been thinking about it, but I have been eating things that I normally wouldn't want to eat because of a high calorie content. My big realization that I had been losing a bit of my steam so to say was this morning when I put 4 packets of sugar in my coffee (when I usually drink either 2 or I have tea with nothing in it at all). In my head, I figured I just needed that extra jolt to get myself going this morning so what is it going to matter having 2 more packets than usual? Well it does matter. It is about 32 more calories than I normally have with breakfast. So now I have to be careful of what else I eat today and limit my. While I was putting the sugar in my coffee it hit me that it really wasn't as big of a deal to me as it should be to use 2 more packets of sugar.  Then I started thinking about my eating habits since I got back from Canada, I have been h...

You know, those moments when you feel like you are actually accomplishing something. I had one today, actually I had two. This morning I went to put on my size 8 work pants (I've been wearing them for awhile and I think NY & Co.'s 8 is more like a 10 but that's not the point) and I fully expected to have to squeeze myself into them. Why? Because I ate like a piglet this weekend. Well to my surprise, I was able to fit into them with ease, it doesn't seem like my body has changed much since this weekend. I was very happy to be able to wear them and not feel like there is a rubber band around my stomach all day. It's these moments that make me realize that this time, I'm actually doing something. The other moment came when one of my friends at work told me that I am looking very slim, especially in my stomach area.  Now that, that really meant a lot, reason being is friend is about a size 4 and looks good in everything she wears. I didn't start back o...

Ah, I have been slacking. I was on Vacation for a few days last week so I did not post. My mini vacay was lovely, Thursday-Sunday I was in Toronto! Such a beautiful city, very similar to Boston in the layout. As you can imagine being on Vacation I ate with pretty much reckless abandon. Even though while there, I was visiting my friend who is very strict with MFP, I still ate like I was on vacation. The food was delicious. Poutine?  It is amazing. If you have never tried and like fries, gravy and cheese curd..give it a shot. Plus, I had to try all these different kinds of candy that they have that we don't here in the US.  I just had such a lovely time, my girls are so much fun to be around. However,  now that I am back home, I am back to reality. Back to eating my 1200 calories and will be back to working out tonight when I get home from work. Work has been stressful today, so I have wanted to eat like I didn't have a care in the world but I have been keeping on track...

Some days, like today, I need to remind myself that I am working towards something.  As I was walking into work this morning there was a smell of fresh baked chocolate chip cookies or muffins in the air. This is not good for someone who is basically addicted to chocolate. Seriously, chocolate and cheese are my downfall. I walked into work, went to my desk and got my breakfast. I went down to the cafe to toast my bagel thin (which was Pumpkin Spice!) and could still smell the deliciousness of the baked goods. I walked around the area they were in and drooled a bit. I stood there and had an internal debate with myself, I could have one and split it with someone. It can't be that bad for you, can it? Then I actually had to step back and slap myself. Well not actually slap myself, but you get the point. Those delicious looking chocolate chip scones, that are so warm on the inside with the melty chocolate chips are probably about 500 calories if not more. Yup, full of butter and all k...

Bob, this one is for you. So the husband and I went off to Vermont this weekend to visit a friend and participate in a beer pong tournament (don't judge, we made a donation to charity). As it turns out, I am not just a natural beer pong player, in fact I was probably the worst in the entire tournament. It's OK though, we had fun anyway. As you can guess, I drank a lot this weekend. However, I did not gain any weight. In fact, I actually lost half a pound.  I'll be honest, I was terrified that  going away and eating, drinking and being merry would undo all the hard work I've done. I was very relieved to see that the scale hadn't moved much. While were up in Vermont, I started thinking about my goals with this whole "exercise/running thing" and while being n the fence about this for awhile, I decided that I am going to work my way up to a half marathon.  This actually scares the hell out of me, because that is a long way to run. I'm thinking that I w...

Some days I miss when I was a server and I used to zip around a restaurant for 4 hours at a time. At the end of my shift, my feet were burning but I knew that I had burned at least 500 calories from all the running around I did. Well, I don't miss those days THAT much. However, being in the job that I have, I don't move all that much. It is for the most part, your typical desk job. I don't often have a need to get up unless I go to the printer or need to talk to one of my co-workers. So how do you stay active and not get fat from your job? There are a few things that I do to keep myself active during the day. One: I get up every hour to take a walk. I actually have a reminder set in my calendar to get up and move. I'm not talking just a trip to the printer, I'll take a walk to the bathroom or to the cafe to refill my water. Just something to get me out of my chair. Two: Desk workouts. It may sound crazy and I'm sure the other people in my office (and walki...

This is exactly how I feel today. I feel like I am getting my body back, truly. I am walking with more confidence than I have in a very long time, my head is held high. This is a good thing. Today is a good day. One of the reasons I feel so good today is that I am wearing a pair of pants that I haven't been able to wear in a year and a half. They are black NY&CO pants that are a size 8!    I mean, they are a bit snug and I know later on after I've had lunch I'll be a bit uncomfortable, but the fact of the matter is that they fit. This is also coming from the girl who 2 months ago was buying a size 14 pants from Kohls. I have to be honest, I feel like this is almost surreal . For whatever reason I feel like one day I'm going to wake up and all 11 pounds will be back on me.  I think this is also the reason I'm so afraid to have any type of "cheat days". I'm wondering if this is normal and if the other girls I know who are trying to lose weight/ha...

Today is a great day. I feel so good about myself and about what I am doing. I have been given a lot of compliments today and it has just made me realize why I am doing this and makes me so excited for what I am continuing to do.  There is nothing better then hearing someone tell you that you look Tiny. Seriously, made my day,morning and my night. I have been on MyFitnessPal for 32 days consecutively. I  have logged all meals and exercises in those 32days and have lost 11 pounds, in those 32 days. My mindset  is changing, I don't often have those thoughts of  "I can't do this" Instead, I have thoughts of, I can and will do this. Also, instead of me thinking "if I lose all this weight" it is now WHEN I lose all of this weight.  I can see a change in my attitude and in myself. I feel happier. I am still not where I want to be confidence wise, but things are getting better. I still have a very very sensitive opinion on my body image but it's getting bette...

I started 30DS yesterday, it's a short workout and she does it in circuits (Abs,Strength,cardio). It's only about 20 minutes long, but I did have my heart rate way up. However, I'm kind of disappointed that I'm not sore today. My back and my arms are a bit sore, but I was expecting the "can't even walk or laugh without hurting" type of sore that I usually get with such a full body workout. So now I have to figure out if it's because I'm not doing it hard enough (or as Jillian likes to say I'm not digging deeper) or if my body is adjusting to exercising so I'm not going to be as sore.  I know it sounds crazy to say that I like pain, but let me explain. I don't necessarily like pain,I just like what it represents. Hard work means pain, but success comes with it. So when I don't feel sore, I don't feel like I worked hard enough or accomplished anything. I hope that makes a little more sense and people don't start thinking I...

I hit a big milestone in my weight loss this weekend: I officially lost my first ten pounds!  I stepped on the scale Saturday morning fully expecting not to have lost anything, boy was I surprised when it totaled 1.8 pounds since the last time I weigh in. I was happy, but I realize this is a small milestone. This doesn't slow me down or make me want to stop, it makes me want to keep going. I want to hit the next milestone which will be 20 pounds and halfway to my goal. Once I hit 20 pounds I will have officially taken off all of the weight I put on after my wedding, that will definitely mean something to me. I haven't been exercising as much as I would like lately, I know a lot of it has been due to a migraine that I've had on and off for the past week. I'm starting 30 Day shred today though, no excuses. I have heard great things about this program and I am so excited to see what it holds for me.  Another thing I have been noticing lately is when I eat, I don'...

If you are like me and are overweight and trying to lose weight (no this is not the start to a cheesy infomercial, I promise) you torture yourself. Every day you scold yourself for letting it get to this point. You question yourself and berate yourself for not losing weight before, or for giving up on previous endeavors. Stop it.  This is not beneficial and does not help! This is what hinders progress, what brings you back to the point where you want to give up. As hard as it is, you need to look at the positives of who you are. It also helps to look towards the future. For me, when I started this whole thing my confidence was in the toilet.  Regardless of what anyone said to me about how I looked, I didn't believe them. When I say I couldn't look in the mirror without want to cry, it's the truth. I still have those moments, but I am looking to what I am doing now and starting to believe in myself. This is something I don't know that I have ever fully done.  When t...

Thank you to everyone who has been reading this and telling me about it. You are all wonderful and doing more for me than you know. It is such a amazing feeling knowing that I have supporters. The past few days I have had a lot of people telling me that I inspire them or I motivate them. I never ever ever thought that I would be someone anyone would say that to. I honestly feel like this is a day to day process and I am just doing what need to be done to stay on track. I can't thank you all enough for the wonderful things that you have said to me.  :) I have been having a very stressful day, usually when I have these days I am the first person to reach for a bag of chips or a nice big order of greasy fries.  Not today, today I opted for my usual hummus and cheese sandwich on wheat thins and a small salad that included some garbanzo beans, mushrooms, spinach, olives and quinoa. I did rebel a bit and get the lite ranch dressing, but I just couldn't cut the whole thing out...

I started to think about what I should write about today and I was feeling very uninspired. I haven't been working out the past 2 weeks as much as I should be and I am just not feeling motivated. This brought me to the realization of what I need to do: Change. I've said it before and I will say it again, running sucks. I feel great after I do it, but before and during it is pure torture. I get bored, my mind never goes into the "zone" that other runners say they get into. The only time I get excited about running is during races. However, to get to be in the race I have to run and I have to train, otherwise I will just go back to where I was before (walking the entire race). So, how do I keep myself motivated to run or to exercise at all? I try different things!  I ordered Jillian Michaels 30 day shred today and I am looking forward to trying it, I've heard nothing but good reviews. I love those workout videos, I really do. The ones ondemand really get me motiva...

Weekends are always the hardest times to stay on track. Especially weekends like this past one.  I went out on Friday night with a friend and I definitely did not think ahead with my dinner or drinks. Saturday was my Dad's birthday party so I ended up having pizza and beer among other things. Ah. Why is it that I have such a hard time on the weekends? I know the majority of it is routine. During the week I have my routine: Go to work have coffee and breakfast (log into MFP), Have a mid morning snack at 11 (log into MFP), have lunch at 1 (log into MFP) have a snack at 4 (log into MFP) and then go home and have dinner. The routine keeps me going and helps me to stay on track. On the weekends I sleep later and don't watch what I eat nearly as carefully. Plus, I have tried to cut any type of alcohol down to only on weekend nights, which usually works out that I don't end up drinking at all but on special occasions I end up going a little crazy.  I'm going to have to try...

We all have them, those really annoying almost impossible to ignore cravings for things that are on the naughty list. My two main cravings are chocolate and cheese (not together cause..ew). How do you get past these cravings without giving in? You don't. When I have a craving I have started to do a few things to make sure I really want to have those extra calories. 1.) I will drink a whole bottle of water, which usually will fill me up. This takes my mind off the craving and usually I don't really want anything after that. 2.) I eat a jolly rancher (these have about 23 calories but will distract me long enough to keep my craving at bay) 3.) I will get up and take a walk around or do something to keep my mind busy. If after all these things I still NEED to have cheese or a piece of chocolate I will indulge. However, since I distracted myself a bit I find myself eating a lot less and I will only have a snack size piece of candy or a string cheese. I also look at everything in cal...

Last night I had a lovely dinner with a friend, I went to her house and she made me a delicious and healthy meal. It was quinoa and edamame salad with various other things in there including chicken. It was healthy and way below my calorie limit. So when I left, I still had about 40 calories and I was done eating for the day. The entire ride home I was having an internal debate, do I really want to run? I don't need to I guess...but I should.  This went on for the entire 40 minute drive (lots and lots of traffic and random road blocks). Well I got home and I said to my hubby "I don't think I'm going to run tonight" he asked me why and I said "It's late, I'm tired" " He looked at me and said "so?" I then got annoyed and snapped at him telling him he should run. He then tells me "you say on your blog you always have excuses" so I huff into the bathroom, change into my running clothes and get on the treadmill. I ran faster...

Well I finally ran last night! Hooray! I got home from work late and then had dinner, once I finished dinner I said to myself.. you are tired, sore and full..why are you even THINKING of running? I started to think about my excuses every night, which are the same. I pushed myself (literally) to get onto that treadmill, you know what? I did GREAT.  I actually ran the entire first mile in 11 minutes and after that I brought the speed down a bit and "speed walked" for the next half mile and walked for the last half mile. I did 30 minutes and 2.1 miles. I was so damn proud that I did it.  I'm sore today, but that's ok! It means I did work! I know every day will be a struggle to balance everything, but I deserve it. I do not want to gain any weight back and I am so hoping to lose that 1 pound thi sweek so that I can officially say I've lost ten pounds. I haven't noticed a change in myself on the outside, people tell me all the time lately that I look like I...

I am a funny, smart, sweet, interesting person. However, I often get down on myself and feel like I am no good because of how I look. Don't get me wrong, I don't think I am hideous or all that unfortunate looking, I just think that because of my weight I end looking at myself in a very negative light. Why is it that someone like Gisele Bundchen is considered beautiful? I don't consider her all that pretty myself, but a lot of people think that she is just gorgeous. I think she looks like skin and bones. When did bones poking out (ribs, elbows etc.) be what young girls aspire to be? The famous people of the world can make you question yourself (I'm not thin enough? Pretty enough? Good enough?) why is that these are the people we want to be like? In my opinion, instead of aspiring to be like Cameron Diaz, Jessica Biel or Kristen Stewart, we really should try to be like Mother Teresa who gave her entire life to helping others.  What a thought. To look up to someone for...

On my way to work this morning I was trying to decide what topics I would write about today (I usually have my entire post written before I even get to a computer), I decided that I would write about changing bodies and "growing into" nutrition.  When I was growing up, I never thought of myself as thin. In high school, I always felt I could stand to lose 10-20 pounds. Even though I thought that I still ate Wendy's every day and full pizzas from Town Spa.  I didn't actually take myself seriously though until this year when my weight gain started to increase drastically. I grew up in a time where you drank whole milk, kids drank soda constantly and you could eat as much as you wanted.  Well at least that's what it was like for me, I loved whole milk and could never understand why people would want to drink that watered down stuff. Ick. It wasn't until I moved out on my own that I started drinking skim and now 2%.  Granted, the only milk I drink is the very l...

I failed yesterday, I did not run one bit.  I got home and just wanted to lay down and watch tv, that was it. After sucha  long day of staring at one screen all I wanted to do was stare at another. Kind of odd isn't it? Although when I am watching TV it allows me to not think, well running does that for me to. I need to start remembering that when I am running I am exhausting myself and will sleep better. When I watch TV, yes I zone out but then I think and dream weird things. Like last night, I had a dream I was a member of SOA but was undercover in the Niners gang. OK. That came from watching Sons before bed. Note to self: Unless you want to have scary gang dreams, don't watch Sons right before bed. Same with American Horror Story, which should NOT be watched unless it is during the day with all of the lights on. Just the sound of the music is enough to make me throw all the lights on and double check under my bed to be sure the man in the gimp suit is not there (trust me,...

I didn't write yesterday  because I just couldn't think of any words to describe what I was feeling. 11 years is a long time, but it still feels like it was yesterday. God bless those who lost or gave their lives.  Anyway! Today I'm going to talk about challenges. I am kind of stuck right now, I can feel myself at that point where I usually will go back to my old ways.  I am working more hours and for some reason craving the "bad" things again.  This is what starts the slope, but I'm going to beat it this time.  I'm not giving up on my MFP either, I'm forcing myself to count my calories, every day. The other challenge I am having is TIME, I don't have enough of it! The days that I work late, I just don't feel like working out when I get home. So I'm working on a schedule to keep myself in check, I did so well on my 5k that I want to do better. I have to continue to run in order to do that. So, I'm going to do the best I can to try a...

Yesterday was the big day, I did the 9/11 Heroes 5k.  I woke up Sunday and I felt so sore, my right leg which had been bothering me recently was really hurting me. My first thought was "Oh no. I'm not going to be able to do the race" but I got up and walked around a bit, stretched it out and felt a lot better after about 20 minutes. We arrived at the race and I was stunned at how few people were there. I figured that something that had been advertised on TV and was for the Heroes of 9/11 would have thousands of people at it. Nope, it was a pretty small race.  I got my swag bag, which had a t-shirt, dog tag, water bottle and other various coupons. The t-shirts are awesome, they are really soft cotton so they are good for running. Anyway, I left my hubby to entertain himself and got in line to start the race. After several minutes of waiting the gun went off, I paced myself and went very slowly at first. That damn leg was still bothering me, so I walked for about half a...

First I want to say a big THANK YOU to everyone who read my blog yesterday! I was very nervous going "public" with this and it really made me feel so good. Thank you to everyone for your kind words and messages of encouragement, it means more than you will ever know. I know that I now cannot give up, I have to many people behind me stopping me from going back. It also showed me that I am not alone in this and that really helps. Now, onto my post! I was thinking this morning on the way to work how music is such a big part of why I work out.  If I do not have good work out music on, I won't work as hard and I won't work out for as long. I have my "running" playlist on my iPhone and that is my favorite. It has all this upbeat fast paced music.  I really thought about it last night, when I am feeling unmotivated the music is what gets me ready to go.   My favorite music to work out to is usually rap (Rick Ross, DJ Khaled, Lil Wayne, Kanye) OR I also like the 8...

Last night while on the treadmill I had a realization as to why I have never been able to stick to losing weight or "dieting". I realized that I was always doing it for someone else, my mother, my husband, my friends.. but not myself. I have never done it so that I can feel good. This has been why I have failed every single other time I have tried it, it's a cycle. I feel embarrassed about the way I look because I'm afraid of what other people will think of me, so I say "I'M GOING TO START A DIET! AND I'M GOING TO LOSE 50 POUNDS AND BE 100 POUNDS!" (sorry for the shouty caps so early in the morning it's for emphasis)I then go crazy with the first week of the diet, maybe even the first month. I work out like crazy. I restrict myself to certain foods because they are not "in the diet"  so after the first month, I start to get depressed that it's not happening faster and that I haven't lost all 50 pounds. I then start slowly eatin...